Navigating Kids' Grief: Lessons from Our Journey
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Navigating Tough Conversations
Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult, and helping our children navigate their grief can be even more challenging. When our daughter’s Papa (Mark’s father) passed away, we faced a whirlwind of emotions and questions. How would she take the news? Would she understand the concept of death? How could we best support her through this difficult time while managing our own grief? In this blog post, we share our journey and the strategies we used to help our daughter understand death and heaven.
We felt incredibly sad and distraught after Papa’s passing. We waited until the next day to tell our daughter because we were unsure how to approach the conversation. The fear of her reaction and the uncertainty of how much information to share was overwhelming. We reminded ourselves that God would give us the grace and words we needed. The conversation went better than expected, but the real work began when her questions started pouring in.
The longer process of helping our daughter started with advice from friends and family. A friend recommended a book on Instagram that helped her children when their grandparent passed away. We also connected with the hospice organization that cared for Papa, which provided numerous resources designed for kids.
Answering Questions About Heaven
As we talked to our daughter, we realized that most of her questions were about heaven. She wanted to know how to get there, if we could drive there, and if we could visit Papa in heaven. We spent a lot of time researching books about heaven to help answer her questions. Below are some of the books we found particularly helpful.
For us, the key to these conversations was setting clear expectations. When we told our daughter we were going to her grandma’s house, she would often add, "And papa's house!" We gently reminded her that Papa wouldn’t be there, reinforcing that he was in heaven. We used clear and direct language like "death," "died," and "not coming back," avoiding euphemisms that could confuse her.
Providing Comfort and Grace
We also gave her more grace than usual, recognizing that her behavior changes were often a result of her grief. Balancing this with consistent boundaries to help her feel secure and understood. We made it a point to validate her feelings, reminding her it’s okay to be sad and to cry, and that we can always pray and talk to God when we’re feeling down.
In supporting our daughter, we found ourselves learning valuable lessons too. Often, the advice we gave her—such as it's okay to be sad and to talk to God—were things we needed to hear ourselves. Our grief journey became one of mutual support, and in guiding her, we found comfort and strength as well.
Faith has been integral to our journey. We wouldn’t have the same hope or know how to talk about death if we didn’t believe in life after death. Death can be scary, but we’ve tried to remember that it is really the beginning of life for the Christian. We’ve also tried to remind ourselves and our daughter that emotions are gifts from God that help us express what we feel and think.
Final Thoughts
Supporting our daughter through the loss of her Papa has been a journey of learning and growth. By using clear language, setting expectations, and providing grace, we were able to help her understand and navigate her grief. If you have any questions or experiences to share, please leave a comment below. We pray this resource helps you as you support your own children through their grief.
Book Reviews:
"Why Do Things Die?" by Katie Daynes - Direct and straightforward, with engaging flaps. We appreciated its clear explanations but supplemented our own spiritual beliefs.
"Someone I Love Died" by Christine Harder Tangvald - Blunt about death and shares comforting thoughts about heaven. The workbook component was handy.
"Something Scary Happened" by Darby A. Strickland - Focuses on Psalm 23 and God as our shepherd, offering comfort when we are scared. It has a matching stuffed lamb that goes with the book which has been fun for our girls.
"The Awesome Super Fantastic Forever Party" by Joni Eareckson Tada - Describes heaven as a joyful, eternal home with God. Speaks lightly on death. We have both enjoyed the uplifting nature of this book. This is a great explanation of heaven even if you don’t need to have discussions about death.
"God Gave Us Heaven" by Lisa T. Bergren - Gentle discussion on death and heaven, easy for children to understand. We have grown to love the other books in this series from Lisa Bergren.
“Someday Heaven” by Larry Libby - This book asked and answered, in great detail, a lot of good questions about Heaven. Had our daughter been a little older, it would likely have been a top pick, but it was a little above her head.